A Human Touch

Touch is how we spread compassion, empathy and love. It’s how we bond and build trust.

When I first arrived in the United States, one of the first things I missed about life in Europe was how comfortable people were with touching. Back home, touch was an important part of our everyday communication. When we greeted someone, we gave a kiss on the cheek, and we stood close to the person and made prolonged eye contact. People here didn’t make physical contact with each other, except shaking hands, unless they were with close friends or family. They defended the 3-feet air they called their personal space vigorously. I never saw the bubbles. I still don’t.

I’m particularly sensitive to the energy I give off and receive when I’m with other people. Everyone has an aura about them, an energy they communicate with their bodies. The energy is peripheral to the skin and it’s that feeling we have just before we come into physical contact with other people that hangs in the room and in the spaces between us. The way a person carries themselves, the way they position themselves in relation to us, the way they touch us and hold us, is a language that can tell us way more than words about how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking about us. The anticipation and the absence of physical contact with another person can send us into paroxysms of delight and sorrow. Body language is one of our most sensitive ways of sharing our emotions with other people.

Touch is how we spread compassion, empathy and love. It’s how we bond and build trust. It’s how we develop intimacy with other people. Touching is wired in our DNA. We learn from the time we are infants from our mothers’ embrace that touch is protection, support and love, a sustenance we cannot live without.

It’s no surprise that touching heals the mind, body and spirit. It is one of the best medicines we have. A few years ago, I decided to study massage. I took classes evenings and weekends for two years and became an advanced massage therapist. At home, I have a massage table and regularly bring friends over for massages. It is amazing to see the positive effects of massage therapy. After a few sessions, my friends’ anxiety, stress and depression often start to disappear.

If you’ve met me, you know I’m a hugger.

If you’ve met me, you know I’m a hugger. I most likely gave you a hug instead of a handshake the first time we met. If we’re close friends, I probably wrapped you in my arms and held you tight. When you hug someone, the cuddle hormone (oxytocin) is released, making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Studies have shown that oxytocin can help lift depression, tune your immune system, make you younger and more vibrant, lower your blood pressure, and reduce tension. The chemical has also been linked to social bonding. Hugging is a way to develop friendships and romantic relationships.

Touch is naturally one of our most important forms of connecting with other people, and yet we quickly learn from a young age not to touch strangers, not to touch ourselves and not to touch friends of the same gender. So many of us are afraid of expressing ourselves with our bodies. We don’t know how to be physically intimate. This is a terrifying thought because the only alternatives to intimacy are hopelessness and loneliness. How did we forget our most important language?

Hug them on your left, so your hearts touch.

I want you to start relearning the language of touch. I want you to start communicating more with your body. Touch and get touched more often. Trade massages with friends. Practice yoga. Yoga is a great way of increasing touch by hands-on adjustments and self-touching. Most importantly, give hugs instead of handshakes. Don’t be afraid to show affection for a friend or a stranger with a hug. Hug your friends and your neighbors too. When you hug them, don’t be afraid to squeeze! You can push a lot of feelings across the space between you. Hug them on your left, so your hearts touch. There’s nothing like the intimacy you share when you feel someone else’s heartbeat. Try it. It’s epic.