The Age of Discontent

The iceberg is loneliness, and even the captain is posting selfies.

Times are strange. We seem to avoid talking to strangers. When we are with friends, we are glued to our smartphones, checking our updates, scrolling into oblivion. Instead of talking on the phone, we send texts. We frantically check posts for new reactions and comments. We count our followers. We remove pictures that don’t get enough attention.

We are bombarded with photos of friends who are attending fancy cocktail parties, taking selfies with celebrities and having luxurious vacations. We have better looking friends with more fabulous weddings. We have wealthier friends with nicer cars. We have more adventurous friends who are on seemingly never-ending globe-trotting journeys. (You know the types.) All of the status updates, tweets, and posts streaming down our feeds force us to watch and react to others’ experiences instead of living our own. We are perpetually subject to feeling like we are not living up to our fullest potential, that our lives will never be as glamorous or as perfect as the lives of "them." Our social feeds leave us with the impression that we don’t have enough, or even anything at all. We are connected to thousands of people online but we don’t even know our neighbors’ names. We don’t trust each other anymore, and not many of us would say that we are happy in life.

We all say we hate who we’ve become but we are also addicted to the likes and the comments in some narcissistic way. We are, in many ways, complicit in the farce. We share, snap, tweet and post at all hours, and we obsessively and repeatedly check our updates. Social networks were supposed to connect us all and create a better world but what they have done instead is drive us to anxiety, depression, isolation and unhappiness.

We are connected to thousands of people online but we don’t even know our neighbors’ names.

The mental health of our society is at risk. The statistics are terrifying. Mental health problems have been soaring among kids and teenagers over the past ten years. The use of social media has played an unexpected role in all this: it has directly contributed to the development of self-hatred, loneliness, low self-esteem, negative body image and feelings of being unloved, all of which individually can lead to depression, anxiety and even suicide.

We are facing a veritable existential crisis. How many of you can truly say that you feel that you are enough? How many of you can tell me with a straight face that you feel sufficiently heard? Sometimes it feels like we are all on the Titanic, headed straight for an even bigger iceberg, and no one is paying attention. The iceberg is loneliness, and even the captain is posting selfies.

I truly believe that the biggest problem we are facing today is loneliness. To feel like we are enough and to feel like we are heard are fundamental human needs, and, without them, we are left in a terrifying and lonely void. Loneliness sets in when we feel a lack of intimate bonds, the kinds of connections without which we lose the ability to experience satisfying and complete lives. We all know people who surround themselves with other people and yet who still feel lonely everyday. We all have seen the couples who have been together for a long time but still lack interpersonal intimacy and appear even lonelier together. Loneliness affects our mental health and physical well-being, and causes great and often unseen damage to us as a society.

Trust between many starts with one. Trust is the key to happiness.

The good news is, we can turn this ship around. We can do something about it. We can make new friends and find love and begin to trust one another again. We can share who we really are without fear of judgment or reprisal. We can feel heard. We can feel fulfilled. One of our most amazing qualities as humans is our desire and ability to relate to others. Understanding other people’s emotions is a critical skill we acquire as we spend time getting to know other people. When we genuinely express ourselves and allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable with others, we bring ourselves closer to them. When we are honest, it fosters intimacy, builds bonds and creates lasting relationships. Trust between many starts with one. Trust is crucial to the development of healthy emotional connections, and with enough risk and experience, our own sense of emotional fulfillment. Trust is the key to happiness.

I believe with all my heart that we can build a happier and more trusting world. My never-ending ambition in life is to give everyone a voice and to make everyone feel like they matter. That’s why I’m building the human network: a kinder place online, built on the values that make us all human. A community that will always welcome you with open arms, where you can be honest and unfiltered and real, and where you don’t have to be afraid to express your authentic self.

Connecting the world in a more human way is an insanely ambitious project. Especially creating a new type of experience where you can just be you, not who you think the world wants you to be. I can’t do it alone. It only happens if enough of us stand together. So what are you waiting for? Go to orkut.com and add your name. A simple gesture can be the start of something new and beautiful. Come join us.